Black ink

 

 

 I...i...i am holding my my mother's hand and walking beside her... yes...it is her... I... my... oh my... i'm so happy... i can cry the happy tears, the tiny me! haha...! It's so funny... how tiny i was, whatever! I can forget all and be beside my mother, i can touch her, the worth of her hand melting my pain away... I am happy... i want to keep smiling...no actually i want to laugh all my joy out.

   My mom took me to the lake, i haven't seen anything so beautiful in my entire life, beautiful blue-white sky, and then this white water fall, looks like pure milk coming down the hill, then come this crystal-clear water... how can something be so pure? i can see the pebble down the water...so many of them...so colourful!! mom left my hand and sat on a rock, she looked at me and smiled...my heart feels so happy...it's complete...it's satisfied. I kissed mom's cheek and went to the water, i put my feet in...so cold and refreshing... I desire for nothing else in my life... I inhaled the pure oxygen till my lungs are puffed out, and close my eyes. I am happy to my death now. 

   I opened my eyes...my mother is gone... What???  she is gone?? "mooomm" my heart is crying for her right now. Wait...i am not tiny anymore...i grew in a blink of an eye... there is no blue-white sky anymore... it's black cloud now... everything's black now...everywhere it black n white... no colour exist anymore. Wait...the pebbles? there is no pebble that i can see...i can't see what's under this black water...wait...it's not water... what is this liquid? I am moving down...i cannot feel the ground...what is this??? someone help!!!! I can't swim!!!! someone!!!! Is it black ink???? I am sinking...man i can't swim... I'll die... SOMEONE!!! ANYONE!!!! please come!!! oh right! I am no Disney Princess that a prince will come swimming to take my hand and save me...it's not a fancy fairy tail. 

   I kept sinking down n down...i do not know how deep i have to keep the drowning...i can't hold my breath anymore...my lungs are going to burst out. I lets go the last little oxygen that i had left...i inhaled the ink... man it's burning... the pain is beyond my bear points. I cannot take it anymore. 

   If i am to die...i want a quick death...i want to die...i want to die...i want to die... what is that this feeling? I don't like it, why did not i die?  why am i still alive? i feel like an empty shell. Is there absolutely nothing inside me? not a single thing? is it the land? did i reach the rock bottom? Newton's third law right! If I push the ground with a certain force, and ground will push me back with the same force. So i just have to hit the ground with the force enough to cut the surface tension, and i can be out of this black ink ocean... Right! it worked...i am out now. I am out in the world...people..people.. people..everywhere there's people... lights, roads, cars and people... schools, offices, houses and people... fridges, coolers, stoves and people... There's no end to this world...I feel like laughing, there's nothing funny, but i cannot stop laughing...i just can't stop laughing...how is it possible?  the world is full of 'this' or 'that'... still i am totally empty...i cannot stop laughing... I took a deep breath and tear roll down my cheek... everything feels worthless...i see no point... no destination to reach...no path to follow... no one to love. All i have is an 'Empty shell'. I want to go away from here, i do not want to be here...i just want to want to fly somewhere other than this land. 

   I am really flying...but how?? how...these wings??? when did i grow these?? the black feathered wings...it looks so gorgeous. I plugged out one feather, there's ink in the tip...what??? am i suppose to write something with this?? Whatever! I just want to fly higher and higher... yeah!!! this is good...now i can see the world from here...what now???? Oh!! Right, my feathers...i can write...so i WILL write...i will write till my last father...so that i never have to go back...I will write and write and i will keep writing....