Miss Mistress

        The day i met her, she was sitting there as quite as a leaf... Not for fun not for showoff i went there because i was depressed, hopeless, i found myself lost somewhere in myself, yeah! it was that complicated. It was my first time so i was pretty nervous already then when i saw her so many thoughts crossed my mind, what am i doing here, what she is doing here, i knew that this wasn't our best place to be in.
        I closed my eyes and kissed her. I can't explain how that felt, it felt like i was running out of oxygen and she gave me a brand new sky to breathe in. She took me to a new world where there's no space for pain, thoughts, regrets. It was only me and her. She gave me a new life which i wanna live forever.
        I didn't notice when she became my need and those days when i was addicted to her were killing me twice first living without her and second living, it was so difficult that even death seemed little to me.
        I got married but i still missed her sometimes, the distance then slowly made me realize that i never needed her she needed me, she used her powers to drag me to her because she didn't want to be alone she wanted me to vanish my existence in the air with her, she was selfish, she tried to kill me with herself and i was so into her that i was ready to die. My wife gave me the real life, she didn't took me to another world she made my this world a haven. For me it was my family you should find a reason too because cigarette is nothing but smoke and ash both comes to the existence after killing it's original existence. 

My dark eyeliner.

        

       

         Million of emotions scattered all over the

floor, me sitting in the middle of this mess trying to clean everything up, i pick one piece up and another slides down back to the floor, now it's frustrating, it's making me want to cry, cry real loud. I want to scream my lungs out and tell people that it hurts, it's extreme pain, it feels like the crushed part of my heart is falling off of it leaving the destroyed heart bleeding and the process of crushing and falling off goes on and on. 

       I thought it's loneliness but i'm still alone in the middle of my family. I thought love will bring me out of this hell, but the love fail only pushed me deeper. 4 hours now, i am still sitting on the floor. My eyes stuck on the broken piece of wine glass, constant gaze on it took me to the void. I am not crying, sitting calm instead there's no violence anymore. I feel like void, nothing nowhere, no thought crossing my mind, no sense responding, no any feeling in my body. I am free from everything, from every emotion from every force, i am falling freely, deep in dark, like a chicken wing in the air, i am falling deeper and deeper and deeper.... 

        I jumped on my heart from the alarm clock ring, my heart racing like a horse, taking enough time to let realization hit me i took a long breathe. Taking a long hot bath i got dressed for the new day. Before leaving i went to take a final glimpse of myself in the mirror. Thickening my eyeliner i smiled at my reflection. People should notice only my dark eyeliner not my dark soul.